just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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