I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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