she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
cat food counts as protein by the way
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
