why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
