this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
