I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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