I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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