you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
