she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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