I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
