Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
