He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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