how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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