before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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