I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
