my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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