A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
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I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
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He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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