how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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