she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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