Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
