it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
