why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
