Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
either way he was missing a nipple.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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