Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
