I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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