i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
