we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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