Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
