i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
