Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
