I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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