im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
