hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
