Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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