hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
