OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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