ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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