3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize