there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
