She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
