if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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