Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
