I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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