Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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