Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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