no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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