I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
