I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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