I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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