I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
