I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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