I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
