I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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