People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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