I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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