whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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