I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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