his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he thought i was a dude.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
