Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
