chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
