My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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