So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
