Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
