How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
