ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
