If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
